The blind leading the blind.

So, okay, my 33 yr. old step-son is here today helping his dad pack up and clean the garage. This is so ridiculous, it's not even funny. They are worse (better?) than I am at the sentimentality game. They have gone through every box out there saying things like,"I remember this toy. I remember those clothes. You don't want to get rid of THIS, do you?"
What should be a one day project is gonna take a week at this rate. Meanwhile, I'm trying to finish the packing in the house. Where the hell did we get all these bottles of wine? We don't even drink wine. And cleaning supplies? OMG-who really needs 13 cans of Comet? I guess I did, cause that's what I've got. Along with 4 boxes of Swiffer dusters, tons of furniture polish, toilet bowl cleaner, etc., etc. You'd think I'd at least be living in a clean house. NOT.
At least my step-son is keeping his dad outta my hair. The scary thing is that the DH has to work Monday and Tuesday and if he doesn't get all this shit done, I am screwed! The movers will be here first thing Wednesday morning and I'm having a hard time seeing how it's all gonna be ready for them! Oh well.

Feelin' Groovy

I have been lazy today. I finished packing up the kitchen, but have left a mess behind. Tomorrow morning I've got to get up early and clean some of this shit. I can't stand working in the middle of a mess. This is the most disorganized move I've ever done. It doesn't help that Roger and Ryan have to ask me questions every five minutes about where and how to pack stuff. Geez! Throw it in a box, guys. At this point I don't care how anything gets packed---as long as it gets done. And I do wish we could just finish one room at a time, so at least part of the house looks like it's done. Nope--they have to skip around from room to room, doing a little here, a little there. It's driving me nuts.
Dianna still hasn't called. I was hoping she'd call before I move just so I can let her know where she can find me if she ever needs to. WHAT WAS I THINKING? ?!?!
I guess I forgot that I no longer exist. I just don't get it--probably never will. How the FUCK can you be friends with someone for 10 years--best friends, even--and then forget the other person exists?
Despite all of the above, I'm in a great mood. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and feeling good about it. I am so looking forward to Thursday night. We'll be in the rental by then, hardly anything to unpack---aaah, the wonders of a furnished rental--- and I'll be able to get some rest!

Stole it from Jan--what can I say?

1. First Name? Christine
2. Were you named after anyone? No--I have 111 (yep, 111) cousins and my parents wanted a name none of them had.
3. Do you wish on stars? Yep
4. When did you last cry? Yesterday
5. Do you like your handwriting? Yes, good penmanship is important to me (??)
6. Any bad habits? Yes--I'm an OBSESSIVE flosser. I go NOwhere without dental floss.
7. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? Glenn Yarborough from the 60's
8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Absolutely. I'm a very loyal friend. I'll back you in any bar fight.
9. Are you a daredevil? Sometimes
10. Do looks matter? No--a lesson I learned the hard way. Passed up on a GREAT guy cause he was kinda geeky.
11. Where is your second home? France. I'm at home there as much as I am here.
12. Do you trust others easily? I used to.
13. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Roy Rogers Cowboy outfit
14. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Algebra
15. Do you have a journal? This one.
16. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yes
7. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No
18. What are your nicknames? Chris, C
19. Would you bungee jump? YES. I want to do the one next to the Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA
20. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Never
21. Do you think that you are strong willed? Yes.
22. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Coffee
23. Shoe Size? Anywhere from a 6 1/2--dressy sandals-- to an 8--Nikes
24. What are your favorite colors? green, marine blue and persimmon
25. What is your least favorite thing? People who lie or have no real integrity
26. How many wisdom teeth do you have? None
27. How many people have a crush on you right now? One
28. What do you miss most right now? My sister, my brother, my dad
29. What color pants are you wearing? Black
30. What are you listening to right now? My son talking to his girlfriend on the phone and my dog snoring beside me
31. Last thing you ate? Blue M&M's--I only eat the blue ones--saves on calories, but I still get my fix.
32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Burnt Sienna
3. What is the weather like right now? cold and damp
34. Last person you talked to on the phone? the man who was supposed to come look at my cats and never showed up
35. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Hygiene
36. How are you today? Tired
37. Favorite drink? Vanilla Cappuccino from the mini-mart. It HAS to be Farmer's Bros. brand
38. Favorite alcoholic drink? I don't really drink, but Tanqueray and tonic when I do.
39. Favorite Sport? Volleyball and Bodybuilding
40. Hair color? Medium Brown,
41. Eye color? Brown--rather muddy looking brown right now, cause I'm tired
42. Do you wear contacts? No, glasses for distance
43. Siblings? One brother, one sister, both deceased
44. Favorite month? July
45. Favorite food? Lobster with corn on the cob and potato salad.
46. Last movie you watched? The Thrill of it All--Doris Day and James Garner
47. Summer or winter? Summer
48. Hugs or kisses? neither
49. Living Arrangements? Up in the air!
50. What book/magazine are you reading? Just finished "A Million Little Pieces"
51. What's on your mouse pad? nothing
52. Last thing you watched on TV? Oprah. James Frey, the author of "A Million Little Pieces" was on today

Still smiling!

A lot of people--even some of my closest friends--have never heard this before. It's really hard for me to talk about. Even harder to write it down. It's not really a big deal or a big secret, just hard to talk about. I have lost a lot of people I love in the past 15 years. We ALL suffer loss-it's part of being human. But I had a really hard time with it. Within 5 years I lost my dad, my best friend, my sister,one of my best friends lost 7 (yes, 7) babies due to miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth. The 11 year old daughter of another friend passed away from complications of muscular dystrophy. My husband's friend died of a heart attack on his way home from work. Other than my dad, who died too young at the age of 63, everyone else was 45 or younger. I ignored my feelings of grief for over 5 years until I started having panic attacks and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome. I guess I just felt like I was the one who had to hold it all together for everyone, but I couldn't hold it together for myself anymore. Anyhow, I got my shit together and quit feeling guilty about still being alive and went on to live a pretty normal existence. Then on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day 2004, my brother suddenly passed away at the age of 45. His body wasn't discovered for 3 days. He had an esophagitis-related hemorrage and he bled out. So now, the holidays are approaching and I'm depressed and dreading it. I am the only surviving member of my mother's family. I feel a huge responsibility to her and as much as I love her, sometimes it's really hard being the only one left for her. I have my own feelings to deal with and it's hard to deal with hers, too. I am once again feeling guilty about being alive. My dad's gone, my sister's gone and now my baby brother is gone. I can't even go to the mauseleum to bring flowers. I get so depressed when I see their 3 names there. I can't imagine what it is like for my mom to go there and see the names of her husband and 2 of her children. This is a really hard time for me. The move is saddening me, the holidays are coming and I'm missing so many people who were so dear to me. Okay, I guess I just needed to get that all out. Now I feel a little better and maybe I can get something done. I've just been paralyzed lately with this huge depression. And there is no way I want to start spiraling down that black hole again. I just can't deal with it right now. So, off I go, smiling into the sunset. Honestly, I feel better now. Please don't leave comments suggesting anti-depressents. I already take them. Just don't tell me to SNAP OUT OF IT!  It won't work. Thanks for "listening".

Dianna, you suck eggs.

Open letter to Dianna: I can't believe you have just forgotten I exist. Like our friendship was so insignificant that you can forget it! We were best friends for 10 years. We've been through thick and thin together. How many road trips did we take together, laughing all the way? How many times did we call each other Thelma and Louise? How many of your bodybuilding contests did we do together? Who the FUCK paid for your entry fees, your posing suits, your Pro-tan? Who paid for the gasoline, the hotel rooms, the restaurants? And who did it with a smile on her face? And who got shit on in the end? I'm pissed and I'm hurt that apparently I was nothing more than a pocketbook for all those years. Funny, I never minded paying for all that stuff. Back then, the money was never an issue. I guess I resent it now, because looking back at it from a distance, I feel used. At the time, I just thought you were an awesome athlete (I still do) and a great person who just needed a break. We decided to "sponsor" you because you acted so humbly and you worked so damned hard at your sport. And you succeeded when all the odds were against you. Now, I don't exist in your world and you are hardly in mine. I think of you often and wonder how you are. How strange that we no longer have a friendship. How sad that you no longer take part in contests. How heartbreaking that drinking became more important than either.

Like I don't have anything better to do??

So, I've been home all day packing up my stuff. Cross living room, dining room and half of the kitchen off the list. WooHoo! And I've been waiting for my realtor and my mortgage broker to come pick up their paperwork. Is there something in the air that I'm missing? It's 6 pm and NEITHER one of them has shown up. Roger and I sat down half of last night filling out paper work and signing forms and locating bank statements and paycheck stubs and NO ONE came to get it. That kind of stuff fries my ass. Meanwhile, Savannah seems to be feeling a lot better. Thank goodness. I just don't have the fortitude to deal with another thing around here. But just like a kid, by the time the vet saw her, she was feeling a lot better. Figures. But I dare not complain. Now she's on antibiotics for vaginitis and antidepressants to keep her from getting totally stressed out when we move. Geez, that dog is on more medication. Lucky thing Roger's a pharmacist, or this stuff would be costing a fortune.  Please, please make this work out okay. Today, LIFE IS GOOD. Despite all the bullshit circling around, I'm feeling happy and satisfied with myself. Maybe this working thing has something to it. Okay, so it's not major work, it's merely packing boxes, but I feel like I've accomplished something.

Okay, the vet is coming to MY house.

I didn't even know they made house calls! Dr. Mueller(Joy) is bringing her EKG stuff over here to run an EKG on Savannah. This ought to be fun. We have an appt. for an ultrsound on her heart, but if the EKG is okay, maybe we can skip it. It would be nice not to have to PAY for it! The last ultrasound cost us over $1000. Yikes. Joy has been wonderful about helping keep the expenses down ever since Savannah's immune deficiency problem started. You gotta love vets--they're sure not in it for the money. I still haven't started packing up the house. Every day there is a different delay. Tomorrow there are more movers coming over to give us estimates. So if I'm lucky, I can start packing on Thursday. I just don't know where to start! Hope the rest of you are getting some time to smell the roses, begonias or whatever.

Dear God, It's me--Chris

So this has not been the best week. Oh well.
The buyers had their inspection on Friday. The inspector found 6 windows whose seals had failed and now have condensation between the panes. AAARGH. We did put an "as is" clause in the sales contract so we wouldn't have to pay for any repairs if any were needed. We weren't anticipating anything, anyhow.
I don't know if the need to replace 6 windows would have broken the sale, but not wanting to take the chance (and being the nice person I am, LOL), I called Milgard Windows to check on the warranty. And found out that as long as I reported it to them before close of escrow, they WILL replace them for free! So at least now the buyers won't have that excuse to back out! And BTW---Milgard had the BEST customer service.
Today I had some estimates done for moving and storage. From a low of $5000 to a high of $7400. How does THAT happen? That's a pretty big difference.
Onward......
found out today it could be February before the condo is ready. This really sucks. We have to be out of this house by Nov. 1 and we've rented a furnished condo at the bargain rate of $2495 plus utilities, per month. If we have to be there an extra month PLUS pay another month's worth of storage on our own stuff, I'm gonna sob.
Downward.....
Savannah is sick again. We thought the antibiotics she was taking after she tore her claw 2 weeks ago bumped her out of remission. But the vet called with her blood test results tonight and all of her levels were fine. There was blood in her urine but they think that's because they got the urine sample with a syringe (OUCH) and the the needle prick led to the blood in the urine. But tomorrow I have to collect a sample (this ought to be fun---collecting a first morning urine sample from a dog who likes to pee in private). Then I have to deliver the sample to my regular vet. Then I have to take Savannah down to yet another pet hospital to have an ultrasound done on her heart and to have a Holter monitor attached to her! Since her current condition is not related to her immune deficiency disease, they think it's her heart. This poor dog--- she has NO energy and just sleeps all day now. I have to coax her out of bed in the morning and she doesn't want to eat breakfast til about noon. VERY unusal on both counts. All of this after just getting over her pancreatitis a couple of months ago. I swear---when people talk about living a dog's life, it's not this dog they mean. She hasn't had a healthy day in over 2 years now.
Now you all know why I spoil her rotten. Both JannyAnne and Tmarie_tmarie can attest to that! Savannah is truly spoiled, poorly trained, and not very well behaved. But I would put up with almost anything from her if I could give her a healthy life.

FED UP!

I'm such a big baby about stuff. Like not getting credit when credit is due. It hurts my feelings. End of story.
Next subject. Ryan f***ed with my computer and now I have no up/down scroll feature on my drop down menu. And my desktop is all messed up. Why can't that kid just borrow my computer the way it is? He always has to change my settings, etc.
Next subject. I just have to stay away from the NSBB for a while. I'm tired of the "How much cheating is too much cheating" posts. Jeez. It just makes me want to fire off a smartass answer.
FED up. To here.

They're eating better than I am!

Tomorrow's the brokers' open house and they are getting a catered buffet lunch. I have to be gone from 9:30 to 2 o'clock so I'm taking my NS fudge graham bar and some cottage cheese and fruit with me. But I'll be thinking about what all those realtors will be eating in my house! We just found out the condo won't be finished til January, so we're back to our original schedule as far as the sale of this house goes. Whew! No more feeling like there's not enough time. The downside is, if a buyer wants to be in here by Christmas, we'll have to go live in a hotel for a while.